Cunningham,+DC

LEGITIMATE PARADIGM:

I am a former varsity debater for West Des Moines Valley HS. I debated LD for 3 years, I will listen to pretty much any argument, as long as you explain your argument and how it functions in the round. In terms of speaks, just don't be a douchebag in round and your speaks should be fine. If you have any other questions, ask me before the round and I will be happy to answer them.

ACTUAL PARADIGM!!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!1!ONE!1!ONE!1111111ONEONEONE!!!!! "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."-Donald Trump

My name is DC. I debated for Valley High School for 3 years and now go to clown college. I am majoring in juggling with a minor in tiger taming.

If you have any questions please forward them to my shrekretary. He is on the corner of Love and Life St.

Update: I fired my shrekretary. My shrekretary is now Shrek himself. (He's already inside of you)

Debate is your activity, not mine. I will vote for anything as long as you start speaking. When I debated I mostly ran a prioris, Wilderson, irony, and win for forfeiting theory.

Here are some of my ideological preferences:

If you run nontopical Kritiks of anything, I will pick you up and demand that I can award a 9001 speaks in tabroom (THAT'S OVER 9000!!!!!11111) I like bow ties. They remind me of bow tie pasta. And bow tie pasta is delicious. If you say Kant is not racist I will say I Kant even pick you up. Godstrom is an auto-win condition as soon as it is introduced in the round. I enjoy playing Yu-Gi-Oh in my free time. If you introduce a trap card while extending a spike from the AC I will have to leave the room because of epi[lepti]c seizures. My epileptic seizures are only triggered by shouting "You've just activated my trap card!!!!1!1!1!" I enjoy sass and rudeness. If you stand up in CX and shout "WHAT ARE THOSE!!!!!!1!1!1!" I will check your opponent's shoes. If I agree with your analysis/find Crocs someone will get hurt. When people have cases written in 48 size pink Comic Sans font.

THINGS I HATE: Regular ties/suits. If you wear these I will nuke you. Not your speaks, but you. Netflix and chill. We're at a tournament, it's clearly Dropbox and chill. Spreading unless it's with a butter knife. I hate how we don't use the entire 30 point speaker scale. As such, I will presume everyone starts with 0 speaks and move you up based on your performance in the "my preferences" section. Speaks may go negative too. Reading cases. Why can't you people memorize them? Flowing unless it's a rap battle. Breathing while reading your case. You have a biological capacity to give a 6 minute speech in one breath. Modern medicine. When teens say they should be able to make autonomous medical choices. When jury nullification is used in the face of perceived injustice. When private ownership of handguns is banned. People who hate Donald Trump.

THINGS I WILL NOT VOTE ON: Debating the topic Bostrom (different from Godstrom) Contradictions bad Irony bad Orange chicken not tasty "PF is for dumb people" Wifi theory bad Adolescent autonomy No adolescent autonomy Jury nullification No jury nullification Handguns Handgun bans Philosophy Theory Critical Philosophy Debate

VARIOUS RANTS

Theory: I think 100% of theory debates are just high school teenagers with a talent for speaking at 9001 wpm (THAT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!one1one1) that are always short of breath and complaining about how they don't receive education (THAT'S WHAT SCHOOLS FOR!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!ONE!1!ONE!) and fairness (PLAY SOME YUGIOH!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!ONE!1!ONE!). I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEORY IS, IF YOU SAY THIS IS THEORY THEN I WILL GIVE YOU MY OWN THEORIES I HAVE CONTEMPLATED FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS WHILE I HAVE BEEN IN CLOWN COLLEGE. SUCH AS THE THEORY THAT JUGGLING BALLS IS RELATED TO THE LAWS OF PHYSICS. OR THAT TIGER TAMING IS A DANGEROUS OCCUPATION.

Speed: I like going over 80 mph. I don't like it when I have to drive 80 mph into you because you are talking so fast it gives me severe migraines.

Ks: When you say this is a K I either think of the word every girl texts me ever when I text her or the KKK (Kangaroo Kollecting Klub). Side note, I am an avid Kangaroo Kollector and if you bring me a plush kangaroo I will be extremely happy and probably pick you up, although it does still depend on you winning Godstrom.

MISC: I think Public Forum is the most pure form of debate. The people in it don't contort themselves in odd shapes and die trying to breathe while speaking and rant about if the world exists or whether we should consult inanimate objects/ghosts/specters. As such if you ask to flip for sides before the round and use CX as a crossfire I will disregard the Godstrom rule and hand you an auto win 30.

I enjoy a good rap battle. I don't care if you can't rap, if your opponent wishes to engage you must engage in a battle or I will nuke you. If you lose the battle I will nuke you anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

If during round you are not being energetic enough I will shout __//**"YOU NEED TO GET WILDER, SON!!!"**//__ You absolutely cannot prevent me from doing this.

I don't care about conflicts between schools. Anybody I judge from Valley gets a lose -30.

Don't argue with me after round. If you ask one question I will burn your ballot. Don't question me since I carry around matches at every tournament. Also, I don't care if we have electronic ballots since I already took your laptop to fill out my ballot anyway, so I will just destroy it.

Extra speaks for writing cases on tree bark.

If you extemp a case I will call for cards after the round. If you did not extemp and you claimed you did I will force you to get brain surgery to see if your brain waves showed that you did extemp your case.

__//**Update 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!1!1!!!!!!1111!1!1one!!!one!!!**//__

Update on clown college: I dropped out for the prestigious Iowa State University... of Garbagemen. Once I finish there I plan to attend UJS. What is UJS? The University of Janitorial Studies. I no longer hold the view of my theories on clown college. Instead if you run theory I will give you theories about how garbage smells bad.

Theory: Theory is a tool to check abuse. JUST KIDDING //YOU'RE// A TOOL FOR THINKING THAT!!!!!!!

Role of the ballot: this argument is dumb yo, like the ballot is an inanimate object. Unless you mean the roll of the ballot, but that doesn't make sense either because ballots don't have wheels lelelelelelel.

Role of the judge: my role is to be paid to tell you you suck?

How to get the 30: I personally think high numbers are oppressive. If you impress me I will instead award you with a 0 because I really enjoy golf and the intricate strategy of the game and how it relates to debate. A Tiger Woods who sucks at golf will still suck at debate. #transitiveproperty

Out-of-round behavior: I'm totally cool if you want to conceal a handgun while watching a round. Like that would probably affirm this resolution anyway right? Going to the bathroom is unacceptable. Have you ever heard of "HOLDING IT"?! (reference points about breath above) You may at any point take a debater's laptop stand, pull it from under their laptop while they are speaking, and proceed to beat them over the head with it if they attempt to run something topical. If there is no laptop stand use their expando. If there is no expando use their backpack. If there is no backpack throw them out the window. If there is no window I feel sorry that the nuclear holocaust has happened and we are debating underground and it really is true that everything leads to extinction. Also, just use the laptop. (wait are you really wondering about paper? Only N0OBZ read off paper)

Performances: I'm deaf.

I have decided to no longer evaluate debates like Ashton Woiwood. __//**I instead view debates from the perspective of an asexual rock.**//__ This was inspired by my long walk down the beach the other day in the tropical paradise known as Des Moines, Iowa. I happened upon a smooth piece of pebble and had a revelation similar to the first time I debated a PF round.

I think speed Ks are only well run when spread.

I now carry around twice the amount of matches because evidently a lot of people feel the need to burn down civil society, but I just feel the need to burn the ballot when this happens.

Did I mention I love topical debate?

I have cable and I didn't end up homeless. Come at me DirecTV. Also, that's a link.

I would much rather prefer if you spoke at less than 6.9 wpm (wookies per moat).

Just remember, debate is an educational activity and you should be having fun ;)

__**UPDATE VALLEY 2016**__ IF YOU RUN THE COAL DA I WILL GIVE YOU AN AUTO-WIN 30 NO QUESTIONS ASKED. THIS IS THE MOST OP ARGUMENT I HAVE EVER SEEN. THERE IS NO WAY THE COAL DA SHOULD EVER LOSE ROUNDS.

Coal DA theory: I am open to arguments as to why the coal DA is unfair for debate, but at the same time I have never seen such a perfect argument in my life.

I hear that this black nihilism Kritik is the new Wilderson. However, nothing will ever take away from my brother Frank B., and so sadly I will have to say that I will evaluate Warren normally. #notafictionmajor #notaprofessoratucirvine

THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY THE COAL DA IS GODLY

I don't want to hear your SMR, MSR, TWR, FNR, XWR, WIR BS smh why can't y'all understand I have no interest in improving nuclear reactors

If the neg asks how you spec decommissioning and you say "we will decommission by nuking the nuclear reactors" you must accompany this with an irony fw that also includes impacts to orange chicken.

Can we have a political apostasy from this topic pls _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I will be clicking on this link and playing it on full volume for the duration of the aff speeches. If you have a beats pill, you will get 420 speaks.

I will be playing this for the duration of the neg speeches.

Cross-X and prep time will be spent listening to these tracks.

Everyone in this room is now dumber


 * I don't believe in having offense.**


 * I don't believe in there being a single winner. I will only vote double win or double loss.**

In general I hope to evaluate debates similar to Ashton Woiwood and Nick Bostrom.

"The only thing better than long walks on the beach is watching old people cry." //--Martin Luther King Jr.// "I just do ignorant hood Raat shit." -//Martin Luther King Jr.//